Archive for September, 2009

Empowering Relationship Reflections

What Are Our Mirror Reflections Trying to Teach Us?

By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com

  People whose personalities and actions tend to push our buttons the most are generally our greatest teachers. These individuals serve as our mirrors and teach us what needs to be revealed about ourselves. Seeing what we don’t like in others helps us look deeper inside ourselves for similar traits and challenges that need healing, balancing, or changing.

When someone is first asked to understand that an irritating person is merely offering him a mirror image of himself, he will strongly resist this idea. Rather, he will argue that he is not the angry, violent, depressed, guilt-ridden, critical, or complainer person that his mirror/teacher is reflecting. The problem lies with the other person, right? Wrong, not even by a long shot. It would be convenient if we could always place the blame on the other person, but this is not always so easy. First ask yourself “If the problem truly is the other fellow’s and not my own then why does being around that person affect me so negatively?”

Our Mirrors May Reflect:

  1. Our Shortcomings
      Because character flaws, weaknesses, etc. are more easily seen in others than in ourselves our mirrors help us to be able to see our short comings more clearly.

     

  2. Magnified Pictures
      Mirroring is often magnified to enhance getting our attention. What we see is enhanced to look larger than life so we won’t overlook the message, making sure we get the BIG PICTURE. For example: Although you are not even close to being the overbearing critical type of character that your mirror is reflecting, seeing this behavior in your mirror will help you see how your nit-picking habits are not serving you.

     

  3. Repressed Emotions
      Our mirrors will often reflect emotions that we have comfortably repressed over time. Seeing someone else display unleashed similar emotions may very well touch on our stuffed feelings to help bring them to the surface for balancing/healing.

Relationship Mirrors

Our family, friends, and coworkers don’t recognize the mirroring roles they are acting out for us at a conscious level. Nonetheless, it is no coincidence that we are conjoined within our family units and our relationships to learn from one another. Our family members (parents, children, siblings) often play major roles of mirroring for us. This is because it is more difficult for us to run and hide from them. Besides, avoiding our mirrors is nonproductive because, sooner or later, a bigger mirror will appear to present, perhaps in a different way, exactly what you are trying to avoid.

Repeating Mirror Reflections

Ultimately, by avoiding a particular person we hope that our lives will be less stressful, but it doesn’t necessarily work out that way. Why do you suppose some people tend to attract partners with similar issues (alcoholics, abusers, cheaters, etc.) repeatedly? If we succeed at getting away from a person without learning what we need to know from the relationship we can expect to meet up with another person who will very soon reflect the same image upon us. Ahhhh…. now a second opportunity will surface for us to take inventory of our issues. And if not then, a third, and so forth until we get the BIG picture and begin the process of change/acceptance.

Shifting Our Perspectives

When we are confronted with a personality that we find bothersome or uncomfortable to be around it can be a challenge to comprehend that it is offering us a grand opportunity to learn about ourselves. By shifting our perspectives and attempting to understand what our teachers are showing us in their mirror reflections we can begin to take baby steps toward accepting or healing those wounded and fragmented parts within ourselves. As we learn what we need to do and adjust our lives accordingly, our mirrors will change. People will come and go from our lives, as we will always attract new mirror images for us to look at as we progress.

Serving as Mirrors for Others

We also serve as mirrors for others without consciously realizing it. We are both students and teachers in this life. Knowing this makes me wonder what types of lessons I am offering others by my actions each day. But that is the flip side of the mirroring concept. For now I’m trying to focus on my own reflections and what the people in my current circumstances are trying to teach me.

Life is a continuous and miraculous healing journey!

Copyright © 2003 Phylameana lila Desy

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Partnering through Change

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Spiritual Relationships

In relationships, we have the opportunities to develop a deeper sense of ourselves through the mirror of our partner. If you have a generous, loving partnership, then you are possibly learning lessons related to creating a generous and loving relationship with your inner self as well. If you are in an abusive relationship, are you seeing the mirror of your relationship with your self?

We have the tendancy to repeat certain patterns in our relationships. It seems we take the best and the worst within ourselves and project it into the container that is our relationship. We use the relationship as a testing ground.

However, when we go through changes or life transitions, it may put additional stress on the partnership by having little time for each other, being agitated and upset, etc. One person in the relationship isn’t experiencing change, they both are. If one person in the mirror changes, then the other will reflect that change. These may be positive changes or can be a stirring up of old issues that haven’t yet been healed or released.

In a partnership, we partner through change as well as through stability. Life is constantly changing around us and our ability to remain flexible and grow together make for a stronger spiritual relationship.

Choosing to look in the mirror of our partner, you see aspects of yourself that may be ready for transformation or release. Is there something that irritates you about your spouse? Is there a common argument that you have? Do you share similar views on many things, but have a particular stuck point on one subject?

Instead of leaping first to blame or lash out at your partner, look into the mirror and see what is there for you to see. Is there something attempting to get your attention? Are you faced with this same theme over and over again? Is there a deeper issue regarding change that you’re avoiding or overlooking?

Change itself can be a scary experience for some. In partnerships, change can feel threatening to the solid foundation or nest that you have built together. When one partner is undergoing deep internal changes, the other may feel left out, neglected, no longer connected and unappreciated. If that partner refuses to reflect upon the mirror that he/she is presented with, and chooses not to undergo changes as well, the mirror becomes out of balance. There is no longer a reflection of each other. One person has changed more than the other is willing to change. This is when struggle appears in the relationship.

In a spiritual relationship, partners consciously work through these changes, each partner facing their inner feelings, looking in the mirror to see that which is ready for transformation. A spiritual relationship as such requires tremendous courage for both partners, trusting that the other will continue to transform and flow with the changes along with you. Any relationship requires courage and trust. Communication is a necessary aspect of partnership and courage is most valuable. Stepping up to the plate and facing yourself in the mirror everyday can be exciting, thrilling and challenging. Allowing it to be something you face together every day is powerful and is the cornerstone of a spiritual partnership.

From Jaelin K. Reece, for About.com

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Women in Broadcast Media

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The Women’s Media Center (WMC) considers the appointment of Diane Sawyer as anchor of ABC’s World News a watershed moment in the presence of women in media. It means that two of three of the major network anchors are women. Sawyer joins Katie Couric at CBS News in delivering crucially important information to our country — and determining what that is.

Diane Sawyer’s expertise and professionalism are without question. We look forward to her debut in January, and to the changes in the perception of women’s capabilities her reign will bring. We thank Charlie Gibson, now retiring, for the consistent excellence of his entire career.

ABC News President David Westin’s statement on the transition:

Diane Sawyer is the right person to succeed Charlie and build on what he has accomplished. She has an outstanding and varied career in television journalism, beginning with her role as a State Department correspondent and continuing at 60 Minutes, Primetime Live, and Good Morning America.

She has interviewed every President since President George H. W. Bush up to and including President Obama. She has handled an array of breaking news special events, including on 9/11 and, most recently, the presidential election. She has done distinguished documentaries on topics as varied as North Korea, the plight of women in Afghanistan and in prisons here at home, and poverty in Camden, New Jersey, and in Appalachia.

We are fortunate to have a journalist of Diane’s proven ability and passion to step into the important position of anchor for World News. She will continue with her documentaries in her new role.

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Super Woman — Kiera Brinkley, Quadruple Amputee Dancer

kiera-brinkley-186Dancing is one activity Kiera Brinkley “shouldn’t” be able to do.

In a wheelchair since a quadruple amputation at age 2, the 16-year-old has nonetheless stricken the word “disability” from her vocabulary to pursue a dance career. Recently she proved just how able she is by performing at Juilliard, the prestigious New York City arts school.

Why We Love Her:
As a toddler, Brinkley, of Portland, Ore., contracted an infection called pneumococcosis and lost her arms and legs. That didn’t stop her from learning to love to dance, especially to R&B music. While she’s worked with coaches, she usually choreographs her own routines, which include some pretty intense acrobatic moves.

Article Writter By Lauren Fritsky for www.LemonDrop.com

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Quadriplegic Woman Sails Into the Record Books

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After months of preparation, 37-year-old Hilary Lister became the first female quadriplegic to sail solo around Britain.

Wheelchair-bound since the age of 15 due to a progressive neurological disorder, Hilary fell in love with sailing in 2003 when a friend took her out on a lake.

“Within seconds of being on the water, a light switched back on inside me,” she reportedly told BBC News. “I knew that I had found what I was going to do with the rest of my life.”

The Oxford grad uses a specially adapted vessel with a “sip-and-puff” system to control her boat with three straws. One straw controls the tiller, while another lets her select five different functions to help steer.

Hilary had already earned the title of the first quadriplegic sailor to sail solo across the English Channel when she decided to tackle her latest challenge. Her voyage of 40 day-long sails around Britain ended in Dover harbor, where onlookers applauded.

Hilary used the challenge to raise money for her charity, Hilary’s Dream Trust, which helps disabled and disadvantaged adults who dream of sailing. You know, in case sailing around a whole country without the use of her arms and legs wasn’t impressive enough. Click here to watch a video if Hilary in action.

Article By Susan Johnston, www.LemonDrop.com

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Serena Williams pursues her passions!

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Game, Set, Match

Serena Williams comes out on top by pursuing her passions on and off the court.

Serena Williams fell to her knees, throwing her head back with eyes closed, fists clenched and mouth open in partial smile. Her expression was of gratitude, exhilaration and maybe a little disbelief. She’d out-powered the reigning champion, her older sister Venus, in straight sets to take the 2009 Wimbledon Ladies Singles Championship.

Embracing at the net, Venus appeared exhausted, her knee bandaged from an earlier injury. But the victory couldn’t have been sweeter for 27-year-old Serena, who had lost to Venus in the 2008 Wimbledon Finals. Hours later, the sisters partnered to win their fourth Ladies Doubles Championship.

Powerful, quick and agile, Serena Williams thrives on winning. Since her Wimbledon loss last year, when she was less than gracious in a televised question-and- answer session, she says she’s worked on being a better loser (although she hasn’t had much opportunity to practice the skill lately). “I used to be really, really bad and very unprofessional after a loss because I hate losing so much,” she tells SUCCESS in an interview days after winning this year’s championship. “But I’ve come to realize that a loss is not the end of the world. I don’t cry as much. I realize I can’t win everything.

“But don’t think it doesn’t hurt. I’m just learning not to show it,” she says. “I don’t like it, and what I do is go home and practice harder. I work harder. I train harder. When I step on that practice court in the days after a loss, I have an anger in me. It is subconscious. I don’t mean to be that way. But now I use that anger to make me better. It propels me to work harder.”

Since last year’s loss to Venus, Serena has won three of the last four Grand Slam tennis tournaments, “and I should have won the French Open, too,” she says without any hesitation. And with about $24 million earned in her career, she’s won more prize money than any female athlete in history.

Many Open Doors
“I have always been a perfectionist,” she says. “When I was 5 years old and in kindergarten, we had a project due and I was up late working on it, so late that my mom had to force me to go to bed. But I kept getting back up because I wanted to re-do the project until it was 100 percent perfect. Eventually, I fell asleep and didn’t get it done because I wanted it to be perfect more than I wanted to just get it done.”

Unlike that childhood experience, Williams’ perfectionism today doesn’t seem to thwart her in reaching her goals. Ranked as the world’s second-best player, she has won 11 career Grand Slams and become recognized as one of the game’s all-time greats, a stage she gladly shares with Venus.

Seeing the intensity and power she brings to the game, it’s hard to imagine her being anything but single-minded in pursuing tennis. But Serena Williams has other passions, too. In fact, there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day, week or month for one of the world’s most gifted athletes to chase her many interests. When Serena does decide to walk away from tennis, triumphantly closing one door, what door will she open next? More accurately, what doors will she charge through?

Will it be the fashion world? Her designs have graced several runways, and she’s modeled her designs and others, including swimsuits for Sports Illustrated.

Or will it be in Hollywood as an actress or writer? Having starred in a reality show and done appearances on ER and My Wife and Kids, Serena is writing a TV show storyline she hopes to share with Hollywood friends next year.

Don’t exclude family life, either. Serena wants to be happily married with children by her mid-30s.

And she’s also creating a philanthropic legacy, with pet causes including at-risk children, ovarian cancer research, the Special Olympics and the newly opened Serena Williams Secondary School in Kenya. Serena says she wants to use all her talents and skills to make a difference for others, and says her role models include Oprah Winfrey. In fact, she reluctantly admits being the next Oprah Winfrey wouldn’t be bad either. “Who wouldn’t want to be?” she says, laughing.

Although some have criticized her off-the-court interests as potential distractions from tennis, Serena says her other vocations probably made her a better player, particularly attending design school when she was younger, which stimulated her mind and creativity.

Against the Odds
Born in 1981 to Richard Williams and Oracene Price, Serena was the baby of five sisters, three of them from Oracene’s previous marriage. Encouraged by their father, Venus and Serena were very young when they started John Russo/Corbis Outline playing tennis on the public courts of their childhood hometown of Compton, a Los Angeles suburb better known for crime than country clubs. When Serena was 9, the family moved to West Palm Beach, Fla., for better coaching and opportunities to play highercaliber players. Serena started playing professional tennis in 1995, a year after Venus turned pro, and won her first professional singles title in 1999.

As a teen, Serena didn’t pay much attention to clothes. “I always left fashion up to Venus and everyone else who really had style,” she says. But Serena always found herself drawing outfits on scraps of paper. She sketched designs on long plane trips and between tournaments. With a polite nudge from Venus, who after high school enrolled in college courses at The Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale, Serena followed “Big Sis” and enrolled in the same school.

“Instead of playing tennis, watching television, playing tennis, watching television, I accidently found a new place for my creative energy,” Serena says. “Honestly, I think I would have been an average tennis player if I hadn’t gone to school. I was wasting away watching television. School was work, but it was fun.”

Serena studied fashion design, spending most of her course time sewing and drawing, learning the construction of garments and gaining an understanding of the manufacturing end of the design business. “I know design. I love design. I know how to make patterns work. It’s just something that I love and it’s something I developed a real, deep appreciation for,” she says.

Meantime, Venus also pursued careers in fashion and interior design, developing her own EleVen clothing line and opening her own V Starr Interiors design company in Florida.

Coming into Her Own
Although Serena had been influenced by her sister in many ways, including fashion, she says fashion also allowed her to make a personal statement. She started developing her own style with adventurous, eccentric and fun outfits. (Who can forget the black Lycra catsuit she wore in the 2002 U.S. Open or the white trench coat worn at Wimbledon this year and last?) In her book On the Line, scheduled for release in September, she explains how fashion also helped her in tennis, as she realized that presenting her best image on the court helped project a positive picture to the world.

Serena debuted her Aneres clothing line in 2003 and premiered her Aneres Clothing Collection the following year. Coming up with the name, which is Serena spelled backward, was an empowering moment. “I was like, ‘Wow, I can pronounce it and it doesn’t sound stupid,” she laughs. “I knew then I could chase my dreams outside of tennis, be it my clothing company, jewelry, a production company- there are so many neat and wonderful things out there.”

At one point, Serena had a line of tennis clothing with Puma and now has a line with Nike thanks to a deal signed in 2004 worth $40 million that allows her to work alongside the company’s development team. At Wimbledon this summer, Nike remastered the trench coat for her to wear during warm-ups and to walk on and off the court. The feminine white court dress she wore also was from Nike.

“I am so lucky. Being a tennis player, every tournament I play gives me a great opportunity to market whatever I am working on or wearing,” Serena says. “It gives me the platform that allows people to see it firsthand and allows them to make a decision on whether they like it or not. I want people to feel confident that if they are buying an item from Nike or a product that I designed or represent, it’s a good product because you associate it with me.”

Bucking the Critics
Serena is selling her active wear fashion line in boutiques in Miami and Los Angeles. Last April, she made the leap to infomercials on the Home Shopping Network when she launched a signature collection of everyday dresses, tops, handbags and jewelry. Scheduled to return to HSN in September and November, Serena says the items priced at $100 or less immediately connected with consumers.

“I felt so honored that everyone wanted to try them and wear them,” she says. “Being an athlete, I only have to satisfy myself. If I go on the court and either win or lose, it’s only about me. But being a designer, I really want to make people happy and I want them to be happy with what I make.”

Some in tennis would disagree with Serena’s assessment, saying her athletic talent conveys greater obligations. Tennis legends Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert have said they don’t believe Serena can reach her potential when her commitments are strung out like a volley being played from all corners of the court.

“Serena is designing dresses, and I feel she wants to be an actress more than a tennis player,” Navratilova said in a 2007 interview.

Evert was more direct, much like an overhead slam at the net. “In the short term, you may be happy with the various things going on in your life, but I wonder whether 20 years from now you might reflect on your career and regret not putting 100 percent of yourself into tennis,” Evert wrote to Serena in an open letter three years ago. “Because whether you want to admit it or not, these distractions are tarnishing your legacy.”

Tennis First
If Serena has been distracted, her record doesn’t show it. Earlier this year, she declared herself the world’s best player, even though Dinara Safina was ranked No. 1. And Serena’s record backs up her bravado; ranked No. 1 in the world by the Women’s Tennis Association on four separate occasions, she’s the only active female player to have won all four Grand Slam tournaments during her career- one French Open, three Wimbledon, four Australian and three U.S. Opens.

Serena says she’s not bothered by Evert’s and Navratilova’s critical evaluations of her career, or by others who have hinted she’s spread herself too thin or that her goals outside of tennis are unreasonable. “I think everyone is entitled to their opinion, and they truly might think that I don’t need to do all these other things,” she says. “Honestly, I am honored that they are even concerned about how I am playing. I mean, hey, they really want me to do well. I just think when you are given a great opportunity and you have the chance to do other things, you need to follow your dreams and try to make the most of your opportunities.”

Serena doesn’t even read her own press, she says, although she does have a scrapbook full of articles, “and I plan to go back and read them once I’ve stopped playing. I don’t play for [writers or critics], and I don’t want their opinions impacting me now.”

And at the front of the line right now, Serena says, is her first love, tennis. Serena Williams knows that results on the court define her as a tennis player. Although she may not have the time to concentrate on her outside interests as much as she’d like, that day will eventually come. And Serena will be ready.

“I don’t really care whether my stuff is [financially] successful, I just want people to like it,” she says.

“I am not doing anything for money. I am doing it because I love it. Anyone who knows me knows that I live a simple life and enjoy the simple pleasures of being happy and making people happy. That’s really what all this is about.”

Don  Yaeger  August 31, 2009 

Success Magazine:  www.successmagazine.com

Don Yaeger is a New York Times best-selling author, former Sports Illustrated associate editor and award-winning speaker.

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