Posts Tagged self esteem
Jada Pinkett Smith’s Aha! Moment
Posted by admin in Career Development, Feminine Success, Positive Actions, Uncategorized, empowerment on July 11th, 2009
She tried to micromanage the world. By letting go and doing less, she realized she could actually be more.
About a year and a half ago, I realized I was about to hit a wall. My husband, Will Smith, and I were going through a major transition-besides acting, directing, writing, and producing, we’d started the Will and Jada Smith Family Foundation to support urban families through education, health, and arts programs. At the same time, I was trying to keep my family life healthy and strong and take care of our kids, Trey, 16; Jaden, 10; and Willow, 8. I’ve always been a caretaker; I think a lot of women are. We take care of everybody else first, and very rarely do we think about ourselves.
I grew up in a neighborhood in Baltimore that was like a war zone, so I never learned to trust that there were people who could help me. I was also stuck in the idea that taking care of others was the way to create good relationships. As a result, I tried to micromanage my world.
One day I was so overwhelmed I thought I might be crushed under the weight of all the responsibilities I’d taken on. I pray and meditate every day, and when I started meditating that morning, I felt that God was telling me, Surrender or explode. All of a sudden, I was released. The stress was gone, and in that stillness came the solution: The less I do, the better things will go.
But it’s one thing to have an idea and another to grasp it. Okay, so I realized that by doing less, I can be more. But what did that mean? And how could I apply that to my life? I started with my family. It’s not just about being with them; it’s about being present while I’m with them. That area had been slipping a bit, but on this day I focused on my kids. I turned off my BlackBerry and didn’t take a single call or check my e-mail. You know how you feel as though if you stop, the whole world will fall apart? Well, it didn’t. For a while, everybody was like, “Where’s Jada? We’ve got to get this answer! This needs to happen now!” But it all went fine without me.
So the next thing I did was trust that the people we’d hired could do their jobs. When I was trying to control them, they felt suffocated and invalidated. When I let go, they felt empowered, which created an atmosphere of harmony, and there was peace within the everyday chaos. I learned that surrounding myself with people who are able to help me is like being surrounded by tangible godliness.
Since then, it’s been a year of bliss. I don’t have to go around trying to save everybody anymore; that’s not my job. I took off the Control Freak crown, and now my headaches are over. That tiara may have been pretty, but it was just too damn tight.
- As told to Suzan Colón
Are You Charging What You Are Worth?
Posted by admin in Career Development on May 22nd, 2009
This article is provided by Women’s Earning Institute
I was talking about the topic of my new workbook Emotional Pricing~ How to Feel Great Charging What You’re Really Worth, and a colleague said to me, “I don’t know about all of that. I don’t feel right charging a ton of money—what about people who truly need help but can’t afford a lot?”
First of all, isn’t it interesting that she immediately assumed that charging what you’re really worth is a “ton of money”. Hmmm. You can bet that it will be hard for her to charge enough money because she assumes that it is just too much!
But here is the real issue: the fear that people who need you can’t afford you. So let me be clear about something: If you want to make more money, you need to work with a target audience who can afford to pay what you need. There simply isn’t any other way to say it, or do it.
I am very passionate about my work and I want to help the world as well, so I make sure I charge my full fee and make great money. Otherwise, I have no time and I feel resentful. (If people are not paying you enough money, it takes a lot of clients to pay the bills….) If I didn’t make enough money, I would eventually have to close my business and take a full-time position somewhere. And before I got to that point, I would experience a lot of deprivation and frustration with how little money I was earning. I doubt I would be in the best frame of mind to really do my best work. Being under financial stress is incredibly draining.
So I charge my full fee. Then, to “give back,” I do a certain amount of pro bono work that I feel really helps the world. I donate some of my time to causes I feel strongly about.
Years ago I heard the “Rule of the Three Fs.” Do your work for your full fee, do it for free, or flee. The point of the Rule of the Three Fs? Don’t discount! So, one way to feel like you are giving back is to do just that: give back. Charge your full fee and decide to donate a certain percentage of your time to a cause that could benefit from your work. It is a much cleaner way of doing business.
Doing a certain amount of pro bono work on the side can be very satisfying. Many powerful business women become strong pillars in their respective communities because they give back some of their time to causes and charities that are personally important to them. For example, I will occasionally do free seminars for organizations in my area that service disadvantaged women. Some of these women are domestic abuse survivors, or have lived their entire lives far below the poverty line. I care about these women, and know full well they can’t afford my fee, so I will do seminars a couple of times a year on how to ask for a raise, how to negotiate or how to raise your fees. I will talk with them about the pattern of underearning and discuss ways to stop underselling themselves.
These women are not my “target market” – they simply can’t afford me. But rather than discount myself or offer a sliding scale, I’ve found other ways to “give back.”
So stop with all the bartering, sliding scales and discounts. Charge your full fee. (Your “full fee” may still not be high enough. You may need to raise yours fees. But that is a different subject.) You’ll make more money with fewer clients if they pay you enough. Then use some of your time to truly give back to the world.
If setting or raising your fees feels difficult and you long to make more AND feel good about what you charge, then check out the rate-setting toolkit at www.ratesettingtoolkit.com. I created this toolkit for all women who do great work and deserve to make more money! Check it out. It will help you earn more with ease.
Copyright 2008 – Women’s Earning Institute
http://www.womenearning.com
The Natural Flow of Life Is Light & Easy!
Posted by admin in inspiration on May 22nd, 2009
I woke up this morning with an email from my friend and mentor, Dr. Sharron Stroud.
Her words: “Being in Fear removes you from the Flow of Life. The natural flow of life is easy and light.
Being in fear creates a dense, heavy energy in your body so you can’t connect with the lighter flow of life.”
What does it feel like to be in the flow?
For me, it comes in a continuous stream of fresh insights …. a deep connect with my intuition and creative solutions to the the situations and experiences at hand. And best yet, ENTHUSIASM, joy and appreciation come easy. CONNECTION, happiness and seeing the best first, effortless. Dancing in the possibilities, ever present. Yes, I’m a big fan of living in the flow of life!
Here what I know: When I’m in the denser energy of fear, I’m cutting myself off from life and all of the insights, solutions, answers, opportunities and new directions that are here for me now.
So, I’m making friends with fear like never before!
My mantra for today …. “Be Willing To Grow Beyond The Defined.”
I’m stepping outside of ALL perceived limitations and jumping into the flow and it feels GREAT!
Will you join me?
First Lady in Control of Building Her Image
Posted by admin in empowerment on May 19th, 2009
WASHINGTON — Vogue magazine, the fashion world’s chronicler of first ladies, bedecked Hillary Rodham Clinton in black velvet and Laura Bush in blue silk. But not Michelle Obama. She insisted on choosing her own dress (a sleeveless, magenta silk number) and using her own hair and makeup stylists for the glossy photograph splashed across Vogue’s March cover.
This was nothing new for Mrs. Obama, who has pointedly controlled her look on the covers of People, Essence, More and O, Oprah Winfrey’s magazine. Editors at Essence, who suggested colors, styles and accessories, said her staff did not call to acknowledge their overtures. Editors at More said they were dumbfounded when, after painstaking negotiations, Mrs. Obama showed up at the photo shoot with a different dress from the one she had promised to wear. (She ultimately agreed to go back to her first choice, a pink Maria Pinto sheath.)
“We were like, ‘Excuse me, we tell you what to wear,’ ” said Lesley Jane Seymour, the editor-in-chief of More, who said Mrs. Obama refused to wear anything other than her own clothes for their October cover. “She wanted none of that. She was creating the cover. She was creating the image. There’s definitely a will of steel there.”
Indeed, the new first lady is methodically shaping her public image, and in ways that extend far beyond fashion.
She has given coveted interviews primarily to women’s magazines and news outlets that have allowed her to highlight her domestic side: her focus on motherhood and her efforts to settle her family in the White House; her interest in gardening and healthy living; her affinity for mixing off-the-rack and designer goods; and her efforts to open up the White House to ordinary Americans.
Mrs. Obama’s aides meet regularly with the president’s senior communications team and select public events that will maximize her message. She sticks closely to her script, delivering lively, brief speeches that rarely stray from her prepared remarks and steer clear of controversy. She talks about her support for volunteerism and military families, but seldom discusses race, her keen interest in influencing public policy or her place in history as the first African-American first lady.
By focusing on her domestic persona and harnessing the fascination with her family, the first lady and her communications team have emerged as the key architects of one of the most remarkable political transformations in years. Only 10 months ago, Mrs. Obama was described as an angry black woman by some conservatives and as a liability to her husband. Now, she is widely admired for her warmth, and her vibrant and accessible manner, and her race seems almost an afterthought to many Americans. She has the highest favorability ratings of any incoming first lady since 1980, and is even more popular than the president.
Obama administration officials say this shift has occurred organically as more people have had the opportunity to see and hear the first lady for themselves rather than through the lenses of her critics.
But David Axelrod, the president’s senior adviser, does not deny that the efforts of the first lady’s team — headed by communications director Camille Johnston and press secretary Katie McCormick Lelyveld — have also influenced perceptions.
“I wouldn’t say we’re trying to soften her,” Mr. Axelrod said. “But is there an effort to get people to know her? Yes. We want people to know her. There were caricatures of her during part of the campaign.”
“Those interviews are valuable,” he said of Mrs. Obama’s conversations with celebrity and women’s magazines, “because they tend to focus on her as a person and that’s important for people to know.”
The image that Mrs. Obama is projecting, however, fails to fully reflect the multifaceted first lady. A Harvard-trained lawyer and former hospital vice president, she is also a tough-minded professional who cares deeply about influencing public policy and sometimes promotes legislation at her events. Her top aides, for example, are often immersed in policy discussions in the West Wing that are not publicized by the White House.
Mrs. Obama’s chief of staff attends the morning meeting run by Rahm Emanuel, the president’s chief of staff, and her policy director often sits in on weekly briefings with the president’s domestic policy adviser.
Mrs. Obama’s aides are working with the president’s domestic policy team to help develop strategies to support working parents. And they weighed in on the selection of the recently nominated chief executive of Corporation for National and Community Service, which oversees AmeriCorps, the national service agency that has been allotted $1.1 billion in the president’s budget, administration officials say.
In fact, Mrs. Obama is so passionate about national service that she recently buttonholed a senior lawmaker at a White House dinner and urged him to move quickly out of committee the legislation intended to expand AmeriCorps. (The president signed that legislation into law this week.)
Some people who know Mrs. Obama lament that this side of her is so rarely on public display. Some blame the news media for being more interested in her exercise routines than in her thinking on big issues. Others believe that her aides are placating those voters who prefer more traditional first ladies.
“We’re not getting all of Michelle Obama, and that’s a shame,” said Connie Schultz, a journalist and author whose husband, Senator Sherrod Brown, the Ohio Democrat, is friendly with the president.
“It’s the softer, domestic side that we’re seeing, which appeals to a lot of people,” Ms. Schultz said. “But a lot of us are cheering her on and hoping we’re going to hear more from that public policy side of Michelle Obama. Maybe it’s the old-fashioned feminist in me. I want to keep celebrating that brain.”
Mrs. Obama has declined to sit for wide-ranging interviews with several newspapers, including this one, preferring to focus on particular themes. (She gave The New York Times an exclusive interview about the White House vegetable garden, for instance.)
Some political analysts believe Mrs. Obama hopes that her surging popularity will ultimately allow her greater latitude to operate more openly in policy realms that she cares about.
“She’s building up enormous goodwill,” said Paul Costello, who served as an adviser to the former first lady Rosalynn Carter. With such strong support, Mr. Costello said, she might ultimately feel confident enough to “push the envelope.”
For now, Mrs. Obama seems perfectly comfortable with her public persona.
After joking in January that her new job “doesn’t pay much,” Mrs. Obama now typically describes the job of first lady as the best in the White House, saying that even her husband is often jealous of what she gets to do.
“I don’t have to deal with the hard problems every day,” she told a group of schoolchildren this week. “I get to do the fun stuff.”
The New York Times
By RACHEL L. SWARNS
Published: April 24, 2009